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Hmm, it’s been a while, but after months of complaining to Laura about how “I never really practice the guitar anymore”, I think I’m ready to start again.

I mean, not sure about jumping straight back into the 6/7 hour-a-day of last year, but I reckon I can work into a good couple of hours a day within a few weeks. Thats okay though, I mean say an athlete stops running cause of a bum knee. As soon as they’re ready to start training again, they don’t run a fucking marathon, right?

That is exactly what I told myself in order to appease my conscience that 15 minutes playing IS practice.

So, whilst quarter of an hour may not seem like much, today was the first time in a while where I actually thought about what I should practice. “Ouch, maybe some simple warm up for my poor fingers”. And in that short sentence I realized, I am the athlete who flopped out in last year’s big race and failed the drugs-test… but now, bitches, the ban has been lifted. Its back to the pasta diet and the all important PRACTICE DIARY!

So there it is folks, I’m going to start taking music seriously again, I’m going to make the effort (even if its only a little effort to start with) and start practicing. And I urge you to join me. If there is something you’ve neglected for a while, whatever your art is, give it that little bit of TLC that it deserves. Now, get back on your fucking bike…

East Hastings - Godspeed You! Black Emperor - f#a#oo

I think its important that you read this:

Kent Nerburn: The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget

“I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.”

Just heard my friend Simon’s application to Westminster Uni was rejected. It reminded me of a similar situation I was in early this year when I was rejected from transferring to a Jazz Studies course. At the time I was really upset, distraught in fact. It made me really question myself -my talents, my worth, and my future. However looking back eight months later I can honestly say I don’t know what all the fuss was about! Sure the alternative would have been cool but for whatever reason at the time - I wasn’t in the right place. I didn’t get closed off from a new course, I just got steered on ahead. As they say, when the big man closes a door, he opens a window… or at least a cat-flap. Anyway, for an amusing read, here is what I thought eight months ago:

Learning from Failure?
16 Jan 2008

Today I had another Audition. It was B-A-D. This is the second time I’ve done this same audition after failing the first last year. Although my experience (as of yet) with Auditions is relatively small, I have learnt a few things about them that I would like to pass on. These are not specific to the content or nature of Auditions as they’re all different in some way or another, but instead what you can gain from Auditions. In fact, fuck it, I’ll even go so far as to say than something can be gained from even the worst Audition. Today was one of those.

Firstly, let me start at the end, so let’s say you’ve just failed. Your first though will most likely be “Fuck, right where is the Judge’s House? I’ve got some fire-bombing to do…”, as mine was today. However, a very wise friend of mine once told me after failing, “its not the first, and it sure as hell ain’t going to be the last time [*slap across face* Now grow the Fuck up and get on with the next one!]“, or something to that effect. The thing is as much as I wanted to punch him at that point to let him know how upset I was at failing, he was right. It’s true, we all have to fail at some point to instill the drive in us that will (fingers crossed) ultimately lead us to success. Simply, its the not wanting to fail that makes us pass, and its the feeling like shit when we fail that makes the passing feel so brilliant. So you failed, what is the big deal? There are going to be more - as long as you know that you can get back up and carry on.

Secondly, maybe it wasn’t your day? Nerves got the better of you? Maybe somebody else did better? Maybe the judge had an agenda? There are things about the audition you will never know, and most likely don’t want to know. Life is unfair - as 2Pac said, “thats just the way it is, things will never change. ”

What was the thing that you think you were worst at, what let you down the most? Sight-Reading? Improv? Accompaniment? Aural Awareness? Technique? Theory? Think about it critically, is it something that sounds all to familiar? I know mine is. Today I completely shagged my Sight-Reading exam. But I’m not going to sit back and say ‘So What, its not great, I’ll leave it’. Oh no, the stubborn bastard inside won’t let me, instead tomorrow morning I’m going to sit down and try and recreate the test and work on it till it’s better.

So what was the best thing about what you did? Were the judges as impressed with it as you were? If not, then why. What could you do to make it even more impressive. You can never be perfect - but thats no reason not to try! There are so many things to be gained from Auditions, however ever badly you think they went or in fact turned out to be (and remember just because it wasn’t perfect, you’re still in with a chance… sometimes).

Try and look at it as an impartial look at your playing - if there is something that doesn’t cut the mustard then you clearly need to work at it. Remember, unless you’re gifted with a lack of nerves (which I am sadly not) then this is going to probably your playing under most pressure and therefore your worst. Although, your worst has to be better - you’re only as good as your worst, right?

If possible, try and get feedback from the judges on what was a problem and if they have any advice on how to improve, its like a free consultation on your playing! Finally, get out there and do more auditions - hey even if its for something you don’t even want, just get the experience! How good would it be to be offered a position only to be able to turn it down! Damn that must feel good, sadly I don’t know - I’m yet to pass an audition which is why I’m so familiar with how to deal with the failure!

Heh, pretty dramatic right? What a melodramatic twat I was/am. Also should probably note, I did not burn down the Judge’s home (got the wrong street)…

I have been thinking. I want to add a bit of deep thought into this blog to intersperse with the day-to-day normalities. So I propose a series dedicated to the beauty of thinking and drinking: ‘Philosophy & Tea’.

Ben Dupré’s ‘50 Philosophy Ideas‘ is a really nice book for this kind of brief overview of basic Philosophical concepts. It’s essentially just 50 short essays summarizing some basic ideas, perfect for a simpleton like me! Generally, this book will form the basis for these blogs, although I’ll bring in others as and when I get around to brushing up.

The Brain in the Vat
This is a great idea, and one that is the basis for a lot of Sci-Fi/Horror stories (The Matrix films in particular). The initial concept was first proposed by Descartes in his 1641 ‘Meditations on First Philosophy’. It was then re-told by Hilary Putnam in 1981 in the form shown here.

Imagine an evil scientist has somehow harnessed the technology to remove your brain from the body, and placed it in a vat. He somehow keeps the brain alive and functioning, and has hooked it up to a super-computer. This computer can create the illusion that everything is as it should be. Sound, Sight, Smells, Touch and Taste. All of the senses can be manipulated so the person’s brain believes everything. All of this however is of course synthesized and all the person is experiencing is a simulation. The computer also prevents the brain from knowing it is isolated from the body, so how can the person be sure they are not simply a brain in a vat?

The problem is this: if our brains are being controlled by an outside computer (or in Descartes’ idea - an evil demon) then everything we have ever experienced is false. We cannot know anything and therefore this undermines the external world as we “know” it.

“The computer is so clever that it can even seem to the victim that he is sitting and reading these very words about the amusing but quite absurd supposition that there is an evil scientist who removes people’s brains from their bodies and places them in a vat of nutrients.” - Hilary Putnam, 1981

Like a lot of other Philosophical ideas, this story asks the questions: What do we really know? How can we trust what we think we know?

Personally, I’m not sure where I stand here. Is it possible? Of course it is: after all, it would only be the computer one way or the other if it were true. I find Descartes’ methods of doubt a really interesting idea, and to some extent it is true - we cannot trust our senses, so what can we ever know?

Currently Listening: Body & Soul - John Coltrane - Coltrane’s Sound

And so I ask you this: ‘If a tree could talk; what would it say?’

What would it tell you? A Story? A Joke? It’s Memoirs, perhaps? Would you talk to it? Would you listen?

Currently Listening - Silence Lends a Face to the Soul - Saxon Shore - The Exquisite Death Of Saxon Shore